Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
