I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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