I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
