i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i barfeds in our rink
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
