I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
