Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
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He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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