Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
