you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Your cock deserves a montage
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
