you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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