Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
