what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
