____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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