i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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