I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
