You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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