I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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