I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
