i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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