Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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