i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
from now on my penis is your penis
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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