I want to make a zoo with you.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment