My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.