Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
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I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?