god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
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my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
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I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins