I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize