so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
