It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
