Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
