direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
