I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
