Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
