I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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