Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
