while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
