I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
