I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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