He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
