how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
