OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
