every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
