Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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