We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
