I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
