There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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