everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
