my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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