so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
