I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
