Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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