are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
