i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
