Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
