she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
