Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
