There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
