At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
