Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
