Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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