She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
