Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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