i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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