We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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