You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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