he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
