Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
