So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
They have beer where we have blood.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
