You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
