my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
