We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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