Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
