Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
