You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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