I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
